smoke break! transparency, guilt, stress — and blessed fiber
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Originally uploaded by Erika_Herzog
i joined blue moon fiber arts’ 2009 rockin’ sock club. i know. more yarn for my already overflowing stash. i don’t need more yarn.
the big hairy but…:
i wanted to see what blue moon’s yarn experience was like (purchasing, shipping, etc.). and i need to make amy a gorgeous and soft scarf in her colorway — pictured at left — which i don’t have.
and i really REALLY want to learn how to knit socks. they seem ideal: small projects that you can give as gifts. a subculture in an of itself in the fiber community, one that seems uber cool….
i’m a sucker for variegated yarn. it’s like dumplings.
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been thinking a lot about transparency, guilt, stress. and how fiber just cuts through a lot of the b.s. of all that.
in the old days, i used to go out for smoke breaks with smoker friends to stretch my legs and get some fresh air. it is something i miss doing.
anyone who knows me know i work really hard at whatever i do. i’m a perfectionist and when it has to do with computers i’m end-user proficient / savvy. due to nothing but my gene pool i’m pretty sure, seeing as me, my bro michael and sister claud are all computer people (michael a programmer, claud a marketing for back-end systems). and the computer savvy gene runs through my cousins and extended family.
so i can’t really take credit for this gift i have with the computer. and i try to utilize it and enjoy it for good. but as i was winding out this yarn from skein to usable ball (need to either repair or figure out another swift solution) i was worrying about using flickr and this blog and ravelry in its most transparent way because i don’t want anyone to get the misapprehension that i’m not busier than “a one legged man in a butt kicking contest …” (as Dolly says….) when i’m at my money job.
indeed, the whole environment at ibanks has contracted and condensed. last night i barely had time to go to the bathroom, mondays, thursdays and fridays are now all go go go (with rare exceptions). now i’m on a speed desk at least these three nights a week — and heavy ones at that — it’s nonstop work. water indeed coming from stone, surprising even me how much is possible to get done, with me going as quickly as possible and with the help and support of my coworkers. it’s a miracle, and it needs to be said that i don’t deal with the stress as gracefully and diplomatically as i could.
i could be maybe less transparent in my interactions. and less stressed. so to balance it out, on rare times when i have a human minute, touching fiber calms me right down. touching this merino with its touch of mulberry silk (!) and nylon. the hand, just one quick clutch of it, and something inside just goes pffft.
so i take my responsibility for my work and any job i do very seriously. ownership is key. some would call it control. some describe me as rigid. i like to think of myself as a self-schooled problem-solver. i get a system going i can work with and then that’s it. it’s not really my way or the highway — it’s just whatever works for me in a methodical and organized way (as far as my brain goes at least), well, that’s what i do…. it isn’t right for everybody but it’s what i suss out for myself, so that’s it.
i hope that the changes and plans that Obama is working to put through will restore some confidence in business, that things will calm down in the investment banking world and the feeling that the other shoe could drop at any time and everyone i know loses their jobs (including and especially myself), well, hopefully that feeling will go away.
i am concerned with the idea of touching fiber at work, because i don’t want it to be misperceived or be a problem. i’m realizing the more i think about it that it’s the equivalent of a smoke break for me.
so i’m going to continue to work as hard as humanly possible at all things i do. and take my breaks at work to touch fiber.
